That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
