I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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