I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
