tell your sister to shave her snatch
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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