I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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