We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
