It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
