I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
