Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
