His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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