my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
