I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
