I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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