if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
soo... how was my night?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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