seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
whose parrot is this?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
