Are we in a gay sports bar?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
