Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
