sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
