happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
