I met the friendliest cop last night
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
