Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
