dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
