Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
