Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
