Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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