How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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