Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
