Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
