Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
