i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
