Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
