I'm really into asian looking animals
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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