I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
