Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
When are your genitals available?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
