Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
