WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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