the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
