I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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