Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
