Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
