Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
