You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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