So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
