I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
