Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
We had to coat check the pizza.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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