I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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