my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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