why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
