I accidentally had phone sex last night
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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