we made out on top of his cat.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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