I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dignity is for republicans.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
